Today’s pharmaceutical ads only have a few seconds to squeeze in their pitch before launching into a lengthy enumeration of side effects. Not a problem for Quietus, however, as there could only be one negative result: not dying.
Quietus‘ primary tagline is “You decide when”, but they’ve also used variations such as “It’s your life, it’s your choice” and “There are no cases of anyone surviving who has taken the preparation”. It’s unclear whether Quietus’ suicide kits are manufactured by a private enterprise or by the government. All we know (from watching the 2006 film Children of Men) is that drinking a refreshing beverage and then walking into the sunset with a smile (as seen in the commercial below) seems to be a far superior alternative to waiting for a violent death via rampant terrorists attacks and riots in the dystopian Great Britain of 2027.
Fun fact: the film was loosely adapted from P.D. James’ novel of the same name. In the novel, Quietus is not the name of a suicide kit brand, but a name used to describe government-sponsored mass drownings (as in “Hey Beth, you going to the Quietus this month? I hear they’re giving away the ankle weights for free now!”).
Fun fact #2: here we have another example of a real company choosing its brand name poorly (see my previous entry on the subject). This borderline-criminal tinnitus (constant ringing in the ears) relief website peddles its snake oil under the brand name Quietus. Hopefully, they deliver it in a box heavy enough to tie to your ankles and drown yourself, because that’s the only way it will work. As a lifelong tinnitus sufferer, I know for a fact that a cure has not yet been found. Attention millionaire readers: The American Tinnitus Association needs some research grant money!
Sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yeah… funny one-liner to end the post! Zing!